ADHD is frustrating for the whole family!
Is your ADHD partner, child, friend or co-worker irritating you? Does it seem like no matter how many times you tell them what you need from them, they don’t come through, or you find yourself asking for the same things over and over and over again? Trust me, nobody is intentionally creating issues for themselves. ADHD relationships can create issues for all the people in them. Well, they are frustrated too, and there are some things they’d probably like to say to you as well. Here are four of those things
1.”I’m not making my symptoms up”
Although it might seem that way, I’m not. I know it really that sometimes, especially when you catch me reading my favorite book or watching a movie while chores go unfinished or other work is neglected. I can’t imagine how annoying that must be for you. Just try to be patient with me, and I’ll get back on track. Help me learn more about ADHD. Use resources like my ADHD guide to help.
2.”Constantly reminding me of past shortcomings does nothing to improve my performance in the present.”
Every time I attempt something new, I don’t need you to remind me of all the times in the past I have failed. Trust me, I remember my failures even if I have forgotten everything else. Even if I could forget it, you won’t let me. I have learned that it is best to put myself down rather than waiting for you to do it. I reject myself before you have a chance to reject me. Having so many negative labels placed on us in our formative years is why so many of us suffer from depression and anxiety issues.
3. “Everything that irritates YOU about my symptoms, irritates me more.”
Have you ever thought about how frustrating it could be to lose your car keys, your cell phone, be chronically late and miss key details to messages? Do you think it would be pleasant to miss deadlines and let down people who care about you consistently? That would seem like the worst day ever, right? That’s part of my everyday existence, and a lot of the time I’m ruminating on what I’ve done wrong. I keep trying different methods to repair the problem but sometimes I feel like I’ll never get it right. My symptoms annoy me more than you could ever be annoyed.
4. “I know you want to help me, but I don’t know what will help.”
Part of the irritation of putting coping skills in place to deal with this problem is that a lot of it comes down to simple trial and error. If I knew what would help me, I would already be doing it, and there would be no problem. So every time I try something new with my routine or schedule I have to give it time to work the kinks out before I decide it doesn’t work.
Sometimes I DO put my head in the sand and ignore the problem because I’m so tired of having to work five times harder than everyone else to focus on a simple task. Please know that I’m trying my hardest; and if you think I’m not, please don’t try to shame or guilt-trip me. I do enough of that on my own.
If you read this article and you can see your own relationships in it, feel free to bring these things up with the person in your life who comes to mind. I’m sure they have been waiting a long time for you to hear them out about. Remember, we get much further when we work together.
Until next time,
René
Read more from Black Girl, Lost Keys
How An ADHD Diagnosis Transformed Me
Rene,
I like point number 3 above (what irritates you irritates me more). I can totally relate. I have ADD and I know people get frustrated with me but I don’t think they stop to think how frustrating it is for me. Do I like cycling through jobs? Being divorced? Late all the time? Not keeping my commitments/promises? How much fun would that be? I KNOW I need to fix these things to progress in my life…. it is VERY frustrating for me. Please be kind to me…..
Jason
I’m so glad you found a point you could relate to. People take our lack of attention for being blissfully unaware. We both know that is NOT the case. BTW, I am a HUGE FAN of your site now. I have been looking for an ADHD finance blog FOREVER. We must chat, I’ve got a few ideas I’d love to run by you. What’s your preferred method of contact?
Wow! Just… Wow! You hit do many mails on the head with this blog. Thank you
So many nails*
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