One day I decided to stop hating my body. It wasn’t a total epiphany or a conversion experience. It was a cumulation of months of thinking:
I hate being so miserable.
It sucks not having the confidence I should.
I’m pretty but I never feel that way.
What am I missing?
Here’s the thing: Everyone’s body is non-standard in some way. Mine happens to be over what society has dictated the standard weight should be.
Bucking standards isn’t easy, but I am a rebel. It takes a lot of nerve, but I live my life:
Obviously, I got over the first three, but I gotta be honest: it took me until damn near thirty to stop hating myself for being fat. It influenced the way I interacted with everyone I met. Dating? Forget it. If you were willing to tolerate my body as is, you were the guy for me.
That decision was a HUGE (no pun intended) mistake on my part.
Time to change
So what changed on that day? Nothing big. I was just tired. I was tired of fighting myself. Nobody wants to walk around feeling unworthy. And before you tell me that if I felt unworthy I should have lost weight, consider this: who wants to be loved conditionally?
No, really. How could I have ever expected to trust myself if I looked in the mirror and said the following:
LOOK self, you’re nice.
Pretty face. . .
BUT none of those things matter until you drop some pounds
I decided that if I can’t love myself unconditionally, I have no right to demand it from anybody else. I started looking at myself, REALLY looking.
If you search the internet, you will find lots of information about body positivity. I started asking myself if the reason I had been upset about my weight was because I personally had a problem with it or because of what I believed other people thought of me.
Slowly it dawned on me that I had fallen for society’s expectations of me hook line and sinker. Guess what? I’m fucking gorgeous. I surround myself with people who see my beauty and if someone doesn’t, that’s ok. I’m not for everybody. I’m for me, primarily.
So while you’re making and keeping your resolutions, I want you to look at yourself and ask: do I believe I’m fucking gorgeous?
Don’t wait to lose the weight. Lose it if you want or need to, but don’t hold your self-acceptance hostage. Love yourself the way you’ve always wanted to be loved. It’s awesome.
Until next time,