Women with ADHD

Women with ADHD this post is for you, my sisters. The first step to solving a problem is always to call it out. We do not have to earn our keep. We get caught up too often in the need to perform instead of being who we are. There are so many things I have to say to you this week that I’m afraid instead of our ordinary schedule of three posts I’m going to have to make it five ( of course, I owe ya one for Friday anyway. You’ll see where I was soon enough). Here’s what I want to start with. Women: you do not “earn” the right to take care of yourself. There are non-negotiable basics for human survival.

• Rest/refreshment/sleep
• Self-care ( check out 17 Self-Care Items Under $20 if you’re at a loss for ideas)
• Joy

It isn’t a fee

These are not fees that life pays us out after we have completed the items on our to-do list, ladies! These are basics. Bare minimums. Mandatory. Believe me, I understand the struggle. You have to keep the house clean, keep yourself clean, keep the kids clean, keep your work schedule going ( whether you work in or outside the home). You have to make sure everyone is fed, or just yourself if you are single. We have deadlines to meet at work. We maintain marriages and friendships. Here’s the point: we cannot effectively accomplish any of those tasks if we neglect our fundamental needs.

The idea of taking care of myself first is a foreign one. I have struggled with it over the course of the last year and I imagine I will struggle with it for the rest of my life. Socially women with ADHD often are conditioned to believe that we come last after family, after career after friendship. Now, after a lifetime of believing that lie, I am tired. Why? For the same reason, our car engine doesn’t survive without regular maintenance. Girls, be honest: do you not feel like you are on the brink of exploding sometimes? I know I do. I’m frustrated, I am irritable, I am angry. Living my life in a constant state of need isn’t going to work. Let’s talk about the basics quickly.

Rest/refreshment/sleep

Ladies: sleep is a necessity, not an option. Stop listening to the society that tells you it is ok to walk around like an extra on The Walking Dead. GO TO SLEEP! Sleep is not something that comes after your to-do list is completed. Sleep is what you have to pause and say ” I will finish this tomorrow” ( OH, the horror. I know girls – I am on that train with you). We will talk about how to do this. I think I may have cracked the “get sleep” code.

Self Care

Girls, don’t you get tired of living life having just made it somewhere right on time or late, barely rested, in some half thought out clothing? This is a self-care issue. Self-care, just like rest and refreshment is non-negotiable. You NEED to be able to groom yourself, tidy your environment ( I don’t know about you, but my anxiety goes THROUGH THE ROOF when there is a mess) and maintain your friendships. Humans need interaction to thrive, girls. Do you feel like you’re thriving? Or are you barely surviving?

Joy

Be honest ladies, are you joyous? Can you even remember when you were last joyous? Is it a distant memory? Joy does not have to be tied to a task or an accomplishment. Happiness is?about so much more than what you have done. It is about who you are. Happiness is not some secret or good luck that only befalls some of the fortunate people in this world. People who are truly happy become that way because they do the soul searching they need to do to become that way. You are capable of finding your joy, and you deserve happiness. Yes, even if you are not a perfect housekeeper. Even if you sometimes feel like a failure.

These are just some starting points for us. Ladies, we are cheating ourselves. Life is not meant to be lived constantly shuffling from one set of obligations to the next. Living our lives as if we are checking off a to-do list we will never complete before we can be happy is raising our anxiety levels. We are irritated, we are short tempered and we are starved for sleep. Let’s take this week and walk towards some new ways of thinking that will help us get our lives back. I promise it won’t be too painful.

Until next time,

René