I used to be a magnet for difficult people. The toxic people who are frustrating to everyone. The selfish kind with no type of empathy. The narcissistic kind who try to run smear campaigns on me when I finally get sick of their sh*t. If there is a type of jerk for a person to be, I’ve likely met, dated, or befriended that type. Some people paint. I’m the as**ole whisperer.
Being around those types of personalities seemed harmless for many years. After all, I grew up with a stepparent with that type of personality. I married and divorced someone with that personality. I made and lost friends who were like that. It seemed like a frustrating, but normal, part of life.
The effects of toxic people on your mental health
My mental health said otherwise. Escaping the emotional abuse was step one. To truly heal, I had to learn to break free from the difficult people in my life to begin redefining who I am. That journey has led me to a peace and a joy I would never have felt otherwise.
I’m sure you have those types of people in your life too. You don’t have to be a person who is blown around by the whims of others. Let’s talk about how to take care of ourselves so you don’t drive yourself to drink because of these difficult people.
Recharge with Self Care After Dealing with Difficult People
Dealing with difficult people can really drain your energy. It takes a lot out of you to be around negativity and toxicity. This can be especially true when you need to maintain professionalism or diplomacy. Trying to manage the emotions of others while maintaining your own skills at setting boundaries is hard work.
People who are consistently negative, selfish, or toxic don’t care about what type of effect their behavior has on you. They take with no intention of giving back in a way that doesn’t directly benefit them. If you are the type of person who cares about your fellow humans, you will find that those types will consistently take advantage of your good nature and discard you like a piece of garbage when you are no longer useful to them.
Toxic relationships and friendships take a toll on your mental health
That’s why it’s a good idea to take time out for self-care after you’ve found yourself spending time with people who are hard on your mental and emotional health. For those of us who are living with chronic conditions like depression, anxiety, or PTSD, it is even more important to protect ourselves. Living with these types of personality types in our day to day lives can deplete already reduced energy stores.
It does you no good to tell a self-centered person what your needs are. The idea that someone’s needs could supersede their own rarely occurs to a person like this. In fact, the mere suggestion that you have something to do other than catering to their whims is completely foreign to them. They’ll SAY that they understand you have needs but truly they’re waiting to see if they can get you to drop your own needs in favor of whatever petty desire they have. Being around someone who willfully violates your needs will not only drain you emotionally but can also have a physical effect on you.
It isn’t always practical to cut ties
I’d tell you to cut ties immediately with a person like this, but I understand that this isn’t always practical. In fact, toxic people love to trap you in situations that make it difficult to get away from them. Putting boundaries in place can make them become even more difficult. Knowing that people don’t stick around for long means they’re always coming up with a way to get your attention off of you and back onto them. They want to get as much as possible out of you while you’re sticking around, whether it be attention, sex, money, or influence that they’re seeking.
Take a look at the information below to learn what self-care entails, why you need it and how to claim some for yourself.
Self-Care while surrounded by toxic people
Self-care is a word that can encompass a great many things. It truly is as simple as taking care of yourself, though. You don’t have to do anything grand or expensive like taking a whole spa day or going on a mini-vacation in order to indulge in self-care. The term is really all about focusing on yourself in a purposeful manner.
Eating well and getting enough sleep are examples of self-care because these things fortify your body and provide energy to face your daily routine. Taking time to knock some pressing items off your to-do list can make a huge difference. Setting aside time to be alone and do something you enjoy like watching a favorite television show can also be an example of caring for yourself in a way that restores your energy. These are areas of your life that toxic people or difficult people like to attack because they want the attention to be on them. That means you should expect some resistance any time these types catch you attempting to focus on you. Please try to remember that just because they’re upset doesn’t mean that you’ve done something wrong.
An easy question to ask yourself to help you get your self-care back into place is this: What do I need to feel peaceful, safe, healthy, and protected in this moment? The answers to this may surprise you, but like so many things in life, the answers are usually waiting right there if we only take the time to ask ourselves what we need.
Improving your self-care will make a difference in your relationship with difficult people
There are a number of benefits that come from self-care. Taking time for yourself will refresh and renew you. You’ll feel more positive and have a new perspective on life when you take the time to care for your personal needs. You’ll be more energized, and you may even notice that your productivity improves.
Your relationships with yourself and others can also become healthier. Don’t be alarmed if your healthy relationships flourishing creates a stark contrast between the toxic relationship and the healthy ones. That’s only a natural comparison to make. As you become healthier, you’ll create healthier relationships and You’ll be able to give more of yourself when you’re filling your own cup. You’ll deal with stress more proactively, and you may even notice that your general physical and mental health improve.
How to Make Time for Self-Care
Self-care can be used as a proactive measure to help you have more energy to handle life’s obstacles. That means you can make time for it throughout your day. Getting up earlier is a good way to start fresh. You may also want to get into the habit of setting aside some alone time when you return home from work. This tends to offer a good chance to decompress from a day full of various interactions. If you’ve had to deal with difficult people throughout your busy schedule, taking some time out when you walk in the door to your home can be truly beneficial. If this isn’t possible, perhaps you can carve out a nightly ritual to unwind before bed.
Regardless of when you take your alone time, self-care is truly one of the most rewarding ways to unwind from encounters with difficult people. You’ll feel much better when you allow yourself time to do something that’s just for you.
Until next time,
A sneak peek at BGLK’s next book
Introducing Taking Out The Trash: A (Self) Love Story
If you’ve spent much of your life dealing with toxic people, you likely have a ton of emotional clutter to clear up. This book will show you how to create boundaries between yourself and the crap that toxic types fling. You’ll also learn how to distance yourself from the difficult person; and finally how to separate yourself from them with minimal guilt. Take it from a former toxicity magnet, you’re not going to want to miss this one. Pre-Order a copy today!