Harsh Reality of ADHD

Disclaimer: I know there are a lot of people who feel that their ADHD is a blessing and it does great things for them. I honor that but I must respectfully say that my ADHD has done me no favors. If yours is a blessing then you can take mine and have an extra blessing. This post has been written at the height of my frustration and I don’t believe that I am alone when I explain the torture of dealing with this disorder when it isn’t a blessing. 

Here is the reality of my condition. My life sucks. Yes, I know I’m supposed to be telling you how I’m succeeding with ADHD and how you can too. That’s not my current situation. Here is my current situation: my utilities are getting ready to get turned off and my car is getting ready to be repossessed because my anxiety is so bad that I have been on leave from my job for the last six months. My house is a mess.  My marriage is suffering. My iPhone got dropped last night and the screen shattered ( and for those of you who question why someone who is broke has an iPhone, I bought it when circumstances were better).  Now I have yet another bill that I can’t afford to pay. 

My credit is shot because I never learned how to manage money. My car payment is the same amount that someone would pay for a Lexus.  That’s what happens when you have a disorder that causes problems with the part of your brain that keeps you from making impulsive purchases, from being disorganized, from  doing things on time.

At 30 I’m learning things I needed to know before I turned 20, and I’m wondering if it is too late. I’m wondering if I’ll ever be able to buy a house, or have a decent life? I’m wondering if I’ll ever be able to look at someone who is more “together” than I am and feel like an equal. I wonder if I’ll ever be able to enjoy life instead of feeling like I’m on a treadmill that’s turned on the highest setting. I’m always trying to catch up, but I keep falling further behind. And I’m tired.

I need help, and I’m getting it for what might be the first time ever in my life. But it might be too late. I don’t know if I’ll ever get out of this mess. I don’t know if my life can ever be repaired from the mess that untreated ADHD has made of it. I wonder if I’ll be made to suffer for my ignorance forever.
That’s my reality. Those of you who would judge me, have at it, but consider this: how many other people are living this way, but never told you?

Until next time,
René

7 thoughts on “Harsh Reality of ADHD

  1. So sorry to hear that you are struggling. I know what it feels like — my beast is depression, though, not ADHD. Will send some Reiki your way and wish that there was more that I could do. Let me know.

  2. I have been there….difficult days with good & bad moments will come & go. It maybe hard at the moment to think straight….specially when we ADDers struggle to regulated emotions….take what U can as learning experience about yourself….seems to me inside all this situation it’s A LOT of awareness! U expressed your the situation, the cause, the possibilities & wonders! U realized the untreated ADHD contribute to all….I think U got to turn point. Have U consider begin treatment? Think if U can go back what will U do different? Then ask yourself what will be easy and what will be a challenge…Maybe from there you begin to build on…..We all have struggles but also strengths & I’m SURE U have many and don’t give yourself full credit…..we have 365 days to keep trying!! On very hard days I think tomorrow will be a better day….I give credit to myself for trying my best…..I view life as a roller coaster…..with a lot up & down, loops,swirls, we laugh, we cry, we get a rain of emotions during every days ride!!!
    Yoga, Meditation y Reiki & helps me a lot… I most confessed it was a like a punishment first….my anxiety it’s gone…..along with meds. Sending U Love & Good Energy!

  3. My belief is that the school failed both you and your mother.
    I’m sure your mother thoughts are you have always been are still are perfect in her eyes.
    “MY SMILE”

    Love “THE PRUDE”

    1. I’m pretty sure my mother knows I believe she was a fabulous parent, and these stories are only a small fraction of what was a pretty excellent childhood.

  4. I am so sorry to hear you’re going through this. I have to say, one of my all time favorite quotes is “Everything will be ok in the end. If it’s not ok, then it’s not the end.” I hope that helps you feel more positive, it certainly helps me.

    I’m so glad you ended this post with the question of how many others are living this way and have never told you. It is scary to think how many people have to deal with something like ADHD and are afraid to ask for help or don’t know how, while those around them remain ignorant. Everyone has something that they’re dealing with.

    Ashley
    SOUTHbySOHO

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