Free to Love (Myself): A Year of Lost Keys

I recently found myself in the position of having to renew my domain through GoDaddy, marking my first year as a full -fledged, official blogger. It has been an incredible journey. You, my readers have made my life so rich. You have taught me so much and kept me going forward when I wanted to stall out. Thank you, you are so loved and appreciated.

I found myself in the pit of despair and shame recently, over some ADHD symptoms that had caused me some serious problems. In the course of dealing with them, I found myself in the usual position of being called out by the usual suspect: Carolyn D’Argenio, my ADHD coach.

“What,” she asked, “is the point of encouraging others not to wallow in shame if you are going to do it yourself?”

This led me down the path of self- analysis that we all avoid, whether we need it or not. I didn’t like the conclusion, folks. I found out that I have been, at best, a fair weather friend to myself. At worst, I have been my own mortal enemy.

Not only did I find out I don’t love myself, I may not even like myself very much; not if self talk is any indicator anyway. I was there to celebrate when I succeeded, only to turn on myself with a terrifying ferocity in the face of my failures. The frightening part? It was so ingrained in my personality that I found it normal, even desirable to be this way, feeling perhaps it was modesty. That’s just not true. Folks, modesty involves a true assessment of your capabilities. The fact is, if I’m going to give myself a true assessment I have to admit my own brilliance, compassion, creativity and beauty. I am no more defined solely by failure than I am by success. Somewhere along the road we have gotten things twisted if we believe self- deprecation and shaming are any less damaging than allowing someone else to shame us.

God, I hate it when she is right; but really I love it(and her). The truth is, we are all on this same road. Shame, fear, and self loathing lurk around us, waiting to seize an opportunity. They are the weeds in our garden that we have to continue to root out. For 2016, I want to talk about learning to love ourselves – not in the hippy dippy, flowery, skipping down the road way you might have heard it before: I want to talk about loving ourselves when we fail. When it blows up in our faces. When we make the same stupid mistakes that have held us back in the past.

When we ruin an opportunity, miss the mark or let someone down. It’s easy to love yourself when you write a great post, get everything right, and don’t miss any cues. The true gauge of self -love is how we treat ourselves when we are blowing it. Most of us do not treat ourselves well.

For 2016, let’s walk into REAL self- love. It’s popular to SAY we love ourselves, only to descend into self- abuse for the slightest mistake. Come with me on this: Let’s commit to viewing and assessing our flaws with compassion. Let’s bolster ourselves, and each other up in the pit of failure, as well as the throne of victory.

I’ll be sharing my challenges AND successes with you. After all, what will we become when we decide to love ourselves with the same unconditional love we give to our friends, family and neighbors? The possibilities are intriguing. Are you going to commit with me?

Until Next Time,
Ren