In case you’re wondering where I’ve been, I’ve been making some major life changes. I’m divorcing. Like everything I do, I tend to want to write about it. Some people run, some people drink, I write. I write in the hopes that somebody else can gain from my loss. So here’s a few thoughts on my divorce.
“I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me, but it?s hard to stay mad when there?s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I?m seeing it all at once, and it?s too much; my heart fills up like a balloon that?s about to burst. And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold onto it. And then it flows through me like rain, and I can?t feel anything but gratitude?for every single moment of my stupid, little life. You have no idea what I?m talking about, I?m sure; but don?t worry?.you will someday.”
– Lester Burnham, American Beauty
Sometimes people miss the boat by focusing on the wrong details. This applies across the board. . . movies, opportunities, great sales, whatever.
The reason I bring that up is to say this: American Beauty is one of the best movies of all time, and it’s not because of the nudity, or the marijuana, or any of that (though those parts are pretty funny/cool).
It is the story of a man who lives a miserable existence and decides to stop being a casual observer in his own life.
It’s the story of everyone who has resigned themselves to mediocrity while watching other’s play to win.
It’s a story of courageousness.
When I acknowledged the end of my marriage, I initially balked because there were certain comforts I didn’t know if I wanted to sacrifice:
Did I want to deal with the change in living situation? I loved my apartment.
Did I want to explain to all of those “I told you so’s”? Those kind of make me want to go off the deep end.
Did I want to go back to being alone? Even in a crappy relationship you’ve still got that whole “married” issue out of the way. On to the next thing, right?
This is my life though. My ONLY life. There are no spares, no exchanges and no do overs. Like Lester, if I must lose everything I thought I needed to get to the end result of my own personal satisfaction, then so be it. Blow the shit up.
Trying to hold on to a crappy relationship keeps you from appreciating the beauty in every day life. Friendships count this way too. Don’t let your crappy friends put you in crappy situations.
Let the shit go: It may hurt now, but you know what’s worse? Living a slow death. That’s what mediocrity will do to you.
Be brave, friends. We’ll all get where we are going.
Until next time,
Ren?
